Mary's Faith

So, I'm back from Springfield! Well, I've been back since Sunday afternoon, but I'm just now getting to write. It was INCREDIBLE. I got to see my cousin and his wife, their baby girl, and my aunt, Addi's grandma! I got to hold Addi for the first time and boy, was it spectacular! I've never been that close with a birth before. It's always been a friend giving birth. It's never been a family member that I've been this close with before. Jarrod and Caira are like a brother and sister-in-law to me. So, in turn I feel like an aunt. Self-declared, of course.

On another note...

The last few Christmases have been really different for me. Obviously because of my dad's passing, but it seems more than that. I'm more thankful or less shallow than before. It's been strange to see the transformation of the holidays in my eyes. But, in a way, I'm glad for it. I'm glad the presents really don't matter anymore. It's about spending time with the ones you love, family and friends. And most importantly, it's about the birth of the One who came to save the world. 

This time of year, I love reading Luke 1:26-38, the "Birth of Jesus foretold". It tells of the angel visiting Mary and prophesying the fact that she was going to have a son despite her having never been with a man. It's such an incredible account of what happened back then. And what shocks me the most isn't the immaculate conception, but Mary's willingness. She doesn't even argue with the angel or call him crazy or laugh like Sarah did when the angels told her and Abraham they would have a baby boy by that same time next year. She just says,

"I am the Lord's servant.

May everything you have said 

about me come true."

-Luke 1:38

She accepts what the angel told her. Without question. That is just mind-blowing to me. I can't say that I would have that same faith without any type of questions, details, or anything of that nature. Can you? I try not to measure the faith of myself and those around me, but I feel like Mary, even at her very young age, had more faith than I can even imagine. Bible experts and historians put Mary at about 13 or 14 at this point, making Joseph around 23 or so. It's just indescribable, this story of the miracle birth. Maybe this will be the Christmas that changes everything. 

I hope you all have wonderful holidays. Merry Christmas to you all! and Happy New Year if I don't write again before then. 

-katie

Semi-Update

I've had this week off because the parents of the family I work for are in Florida on vacation and Pierce is with his grandparents. It's been so nice to wake up whenever I want (more like can), take a nap whenever I want, go out and do whatever I want when I want. It's just been incredibly relaxing.

Tomorrow, I will head north to Springfield, MO to see my cousin, his wife, and their new baby, Addi! I cannot wait to meet this little girl! She is so loved already--more like spoiled already! My aunt will be there too and I'm excited to see her since I haven't seen her since a week or so before Addi was born. Can't wait!

Tonight, I got to see my baby Kate. And needless to say, I was excited to see her and her parents. I haven't seen them in two weeks.

There will be a post coming next week from my baby weekend! Looking forward to it!

-katie

Philippians 1:3

This weekend, I realized what I'm really thankful for this year.

I'm thankful for time. I'm thankful for time with people, time with God, and just time in general.

I never realized how much time I take for granted with the ones I love. Spending time with my family and friends has always been a bit rushed so that I could go on to the next thing. It kinda feels a bit like an obligation. And it hasn't been until this year that I've really realized how much I love the time I spend with my friends and family and how much I don't want that time to end. I should've realized this completely a long time ago. I should've realized it when my dad was in his final weeks of life. Well, in all honesty, I should've realized it before then, but hindsight, right?

And now, when I'm spending time with family and friends and anyone else, I relish those moments. I take it all in and savor it. I did it last night when I was hanging out with 2 of my sisters. I'll do it again tonight when I hang out with one of my best friends. And yet again this 4-day Thanksgiving weekend. I am so blessed and so thankful.

Love the ones you're with when you're with them and always. They might not make it to the next time. You never know. Tell them you love them while they are here. Tell them how important they are to you. That will be important for you when they leave this Earth.

I'm thankful. Are you?
-katie

Morning Rant

Since my last post, I've been thankful for life (no specific day necessarily).
I've been thankful for common sense and the ability to know right from wrong. (Is that the same thing?)


I woke up this morning, earlier than usual. I showered and got ready. I had a little time before I had to leave for work, so my mom and I started talking--mistake #1. We talked about family and such. She had mentioned that my aunt (who lives out of town) never helps out with their mom, which, however true that is (only slightly), Mom doesn't exactly spend time with their mom much either. She'll do things for her like go get her prescriptions and go get lunch for her, but not like we used to. We used to go to dinner with Granny at least once a week, sometimes even twice. I still do, but Mom doesn't. Why, you ask? Oh, because in her words, "I'm busy." Oh, she's not busy. Let's talk about busy for a second. The only real time that I have Sunday-Saturday, is Friday night, Saturday, & Sunday after church. I have no time during the week to do anything. Period. That will all change soon. But, she would just rather spend time with her fiance, that she doesn't spend a day apart from. And what do they do? They watch TV, have dinner, and talk. Swamped, she is. Anyway, I told her all of this and she had nothing to say back. She said, "you're right." I'm thinking, what's new?

I just all of a sudden got frustrated about life this morning. I'm sick of the way I feel all day long. I hate going to work. I hate being bored out of my skull every single day. I hate the way I feel about my mom sometimes. I hate that I don't have a clue what I'm going to be doing in 6 weeks when my job ends. I hate the way I look. All I want is a plan. I want to know part of the future. I want to know if I should really be a teacher or if God has something else for me. I'm so sick of not knowing things. I put my life in God's hands and I'm glad I did. I would just like a little hint of my future. I plan on trusting God the entire way. Just.... Anything?

Hope this made sense. If it didn't--I don't care. I feel better getting it out.
-katie

P.S. Today, I'm thankful for the weekend.

Days 12 & 13 & 14

Day #12:
November 12th--

Saturday, I was and still am thankful for family, especially my aunt and grandmother. We woke up early and went on our yearly trip to Holiday House, which is kind of like a vendor type deal. Different vendors came from all over the state, south, and beyond. There was someone there from PA! Anyway, They just sell their product. They have everything from cooking utensils to Christmas ornaments to clothes to all kinds of pointless things. I was thankful for a day just to shop and spend time with family. My aunt and I have gotten so close since my dad passed, which I love. And my grandmother and I are very close. We see each other, usually once a week. She spoils me and so does my aunt.

Day #13:
November 13th--

Yesterday I was thankful for rest and music. I had absolutely nothing to do yesterday which was the most beautiful thing in the world. I took a nap and was lazy almost the entire day. Yesterday, at my church, we dedicated our organ. So we had a special recital that featured a couple of wonderful organists. David Howard Pettit played some beautiful numbers including some of his original works. I am in awe of what this organ can do. It has a setting that can sound like a woman/women and man/men singing alleluias and amens. It was eerily amazing. My jaw was on the floor--just the coolest thing.

Day #14:
November 14th--

Today I am thankful for wonderful opportunities. I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful to come into a loving home and take care of the cutest 18-month-old in the world! I'm thankful for the last 14 months with this family. Being a nanny is so rewarding. Being able to teach and love and laugh with this little boy every day is priceless. Part of me wishes I could do this for the rest of my life, but I know that's unrealistic. These people have meant so much to me and have done so much for me this past year and 2 months. They are incredible! I will miss them when I leave at the end of this year. And I pray blessings on this family and especially Pierce who will be going to day care in January. I pray for continued good health and lots of learning!

Hope you all had a thankful weekend.
-katie

Day #11

While I should be/am thankful 365 days, here goes day 11 for the Month of Thankfulness:

Today I am thankful for the men and women who serve in the military including my cousin, Blake Grimmett (I don't know what his official title is).

Pledging his life to his country

Blake & me - home from boot camp

Blake & me at his rehearsal dinner

 My cousin Tony Francis (don't know his official title either), also serves. I am thankful for his service too.

Two of the most special men in my life, and I love them both. I couldn't imagine how our country would've turned out had it not been for our military.

Thank you both for serving so I can live in a free country. I love you both so much!

-katie

Month of Thankfulness: Days 1-10

I meant to start this last Tuesday when the month started, but alas, I did not. Shame on me. Anyway, I'm starting it now, PLUS, I'm catching up! So here goes nothin'!

Day #1:
November 1st--
Last Tuesday, the first day of the month, I was and still am thankful for Jon, Jen, and Kate McCalmont! I watch Kate while Jon and Jen have a date night once a week. It's kind of cute. These people mean so incredibly much to me. They have been way more like friends than bosses, which is wonderful. This is probably 1 of 2 families that I've never had a problem dealing with. ANYWAY, this precious family is what I was thankful for the first day of the month and am thankful for today and everyday. They've done so much for me both in the physical life and the spiritual life of me. They are incredible. Love you guys.

Day #2:
November 2nd--
When I go to Texas to visit my godchildren, I go a day before so I don't drive 9 hours there and back all at once. Last Wednesday, was one of those leave-after-work-drives. The wind and rain was horrible. And I was driving my mom's Honda Accord. I DO NOT like how those things handle in the rain. Maybe it's just that I'm used to driving my Jeep Patriot. This day I was thankful for the Hilton's, Erica and Shane, for letting me stay so many times on the way to visit my babies. I've so enjoyed getting to know them both and I'm so excited for the arrival of their daughter in the next month!!

Day #3:
November 3rd--
On this day many years ago, my parents were married. On this day, I was thankful for their relationship and their example of how communication and love is supposed to be. I'm grateful that I was not a child of divorce. I'm thankful that I had a father who loved my mother. That is so important in the development of a child. We learn from example, after all. And while my Daddy isn't here to celebrate another year with my mom, he is always with us--in our hearts--and that will always be their day.

Day #4
November 4th--
Friday, I was grateful for the Ripa's. This is the family I work for right now. I've nannied for them since last August. Their son, Pierce, is crazy, precious, hilarious, and just plain adorable. He makes me laugh. Jennifer and Dave, his parents, are so wonderful. They are funny, sweet, and selfless. Jennifer has done so much for me. She convinced me to go back to school, which I am so incredibly thankful for.

Day #5
November 5th--
Saturday, I was and will always be thankful for the Tucker's. We started out as boss/employee then quickly grew into friends. They are now family. Their soon-to-be 5 kids are my godchildren, so this family clearly means a lot to me. But on this 5th day of November, I'm especially thankful for Cameron, the current baby that I mentioned in my last post. This day was his 7th Birthday. I can't even believe he's 7. He was a brand-new come-home-from-the-hospital newborn, when I met this family. All of these kids are so special to me. I don't know where I'd be without them, and I sure don't want to find out.

Day #6
November 6th--
I was especially grateful for my faith and God's beautiful creation. I am thankful for the opportunity to worship in a free country with whoever I want, wherever I want. God is so good. And worshipping with my godchildren was one of the most special events of the weekend. I loved looking over to see them singing along to the hymns. Driving 9 hours from San Antonio to Little Rock is absolutely beautiful. The colors of fall made leaving my babies almost okay. I love the reds, greens, yellows, oranges, and even browns.

Day #7
November 7th--
Monday I was grateful for my friendship with Kali Nichole Sparks. I went to school with Kali, all the way from Pre-K to graduation. I was thankful to know this precious angel of a person and have her in my life. Her smile lit up a room. 11-7 is her birthday. She will be forever 20. Kali was one of the unfortunate casualties in the Florida accident in May a few years ago. I wasn't really in her "group" in high school, but we were friends. I have a picture of me and Kali in my room from Senior Prom. Her light for God shone so brightly and now she's in His presence having the biggest party. I miss her.

Day #8
November 8th--
Tuesday, I was grateful for an incredible family, the Page's. Sean, Amanda, Bear, and Judah are so important to me and my life. I knew Amanda and Bear before Sean and Judah came along. Amanda is like a sister to me and I love her so much. Wouldn't trade her for the world! :) And I am so happy for her in finding her a husband like Sean. He is so wonderful to her and Bear and he is a GREAT father to Bear and Judah. 11-8 was Bear's 7th birthday--part of the reason I am thankful for them on this day.

Day #9
November 9th--
Yesterday, I had class and it got me thinking how thankful I am for the opportunity to get to go back and actually get my degree. I owe it all to God, firstly. Second, I'm thankful for my mom's fiance, Tim. He is paying for me to go to school and get my degree. I don't think there are words for how grateful I am for this kind gesture. And I'm thankful for the drive I have right now. I pray that I keep wanting to go forward.

Day #10
November 10th--
Today I am grateful for my parents(not the same as #3). I am thankful for the time (almost 18 years) I got to spend with my dad before he left this earth. I am thankful that I took after him in a lot of ways. It makes it easier for me to remember him. Of course, I look exactly like him, so that kinda helps.  I am thankful for the relationship that I have with my mom. Even though we fight and disagree, we love each other and understand where the other person is coming from. She is my best friend. I'm thankful my upbringing even though I find some of it a little ridiculous. I will use some to most of how I was brought up for my children if God blesses me with any. I'm grateful to be brought up in a Christian faith with believing parents and extended family on both sides. So thankful.

What are you thankful for??
-katie
P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures. Maybe next time.

2 Weekends - 2 Birthdays

I. Am. Pooped.

I've been to San Antonio and back the past 2 weekends. There was good reason though. I mean reasons. As the title gives away, two of my godchildren had birthdays these past 2 weekends and I didn't miss them!

Tori (the oldest) turned 16 last Friday. I can't believe this girl is 16. When I met this family, Tori had just turned 9-years-old. I barely remember that 9-year-old. I remember a cute, quiet, willing little girl. Mature and loving.

She is now a golden-hearted 16-year-old, who is absolutely gorgeous (as you can see). She is still quiet at times. Still mature. Still very willing and very loving. But she's not so little anymore. She loves her Savior and knows that He's there for her. She'll be able to move out next year, if she wants. She'll be going to college in less than 2 years. (I sure hope, I'm done with college before she is!)

Father God, protect my sweet Tori. Help

her remember that you are always with her

and will never be anywhere else. 

Give her strength for the days and rest for the nights.

Help her remember that what's going on

is only "for now". This too shall pass.

Let her know she is loved and cherished

and she shouldn't settle for anything less.

In Your Son's Precious Name, Amen.

Birthday #2 was the current baby of the family. Cameron turned 7-years-old this past Saturday. This crazy, hilarious little boy was brand new when I first met this family. And when I say brand new, I mean it. They were at the hospital having him when I was called. I think I was the first non-family member to meet him except for the hospital staff. 

Anyway, this little boy stole my heart from the moment I met him. And as he has grown he's done nothing less than put a smile on my face. He is the most hilarious child I've ever met in my life. Even if he's making one of his "You're a chicken head" jokes--the joy he gets out of telling his jokes and how much he laughs at them, you just can't help but hysterically laugh. 

Father God, I pray that as Cameron grows

he finds you. I pray that he goes crazy over you

and loves learning about you and loves having

a relationship with you. I pray protection

over him as well. That you will pursue him and

let him know that you're always with him.

I pray that he grows up to be a man

of God. That he will grow in stature and knowledge.

In Your Son's Name, Amen.

I will be posting my Days of Thankfulness in the next coming days. And yes, I will be catching up with the days that I've missed.

--katie

Stay Tuned...

I am cooking up a really good entry that will be posted in the very near future! Can you guess what it's about? Probably not...

Good Luck!
-katie

Update on Life

I have had absolutely no motivation for just about everything in my life lately.

No motivation for school--yes, I'm back in school (YAY!). I'm supposed to be reading right now.

No motivation for exercising.

No motivation for blogging.

No energy overall.

The only thing that gets me energized or excited anymore is getting to go see my godchildren. I cannot wait to see them in less than 2 weeks! Sometimes, I think it would be easier for me to just move down there. That's another post.

"My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever."

--Psalm 73:26

I've also had a hard time with actually nailing down a major to focus on in my college experience. Speech Therapy? Teaching? Business? Culinary Arts? There are so many choices! In my opinion, there are two reasons why I've had such a hard time declaring a major. 1--My mom killed my dream of a Neonatal Nurse with reality(forget that I'm not that great with science)...and 2--all I've ever wanted to be is a Mom. That's the only consistency in my life desires. So keeping in mind the future family that I plan to have, I think I'd rather be a Teacher. I'm scared to death of this decision, but it's been sticking for about a week now, so I feel pretty confidant that it will be around for a long time. Pray me through this friends. I'm gonna need it!

Also, an UPDATE on my goddaughter Trinity. She's back at home now which is good for the family. They did find out that she has a tumor, which I believe is benign, at the base of her skull located in between the pituitary gland and her brain stem, I believe. Please pray that the tumor will not be there when they go back in 2 months. It's happened before and I know that God can do this. I believe it. I'm going to commit to praying everyday and whenever I think about it until they go back. I'll also be posting my prayers on my prayer blog. I believe that God is still in the miracle business. I hope that you are too.

How can you say no to praying for this beautiful little girl and her healing??

~PRAY FOR TRINITY~

-katie

Intercede, Friends, Intercede

I'm trying to figure out how to start this post and I just cannot find the words. Instead of thinking about what I want to say, I'm just going to spit it out.

Last night/Early this morning, I got a call from the mother of my godchildren. We had been playing phone tag and she finally got ahold of me at midnight--yes, I was sleeping. I figured she just wanted to chat and this was an "I'll call you back tomorrow" call. It wasn't. We talked about how things were going with them. She started telling me about doctors appointments for the kids.

My precious Kaleb has a form of Autism called Aspergers. He has some problems in social settings especially being bullied. Anyway, he's had some problems with his lazy eye and it turns out that his brain has actually turned that eye off. BUT, the God-thing is that his vision in that eye, is 20/20! This is SUCH a blessing, friends. You see, if he didn't have perfect vision in this eye, they couldn't do surgery to fix it. Since he does have perfect vision in that eye, they CAN fix it! Praise the Lord! And yet, in spite of this great news, she was about to tell me something that would keep me up half the night and not have a good night's sleep when I did finally get to sleep.

My sweet little Trinity has been having some trouble lately. Trouble with her endocrine system, to be specific--and that's as specific as I need to be. All-in-all, the doctors had to do an x-ray and if it comes back showing that her "bone age" is more than 8, she could have a tumor. Benign or not, this is a huge burden.

Last night, I kept telling Holly, Trinity's mom, we need to start praying and we don't need to stop.

"Always be joyful.

Never stop praying.

Be thankful in all circumstances,

for this is God's will for you

who belong to Christ Jesus."

--1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

After we hung up, I was going to talk to God. I really like praying at night when I'm in bed. I used to think falling asleep while praying was something terrible, but now I love falling asleep in the arms of my Lord. It's probably my favorite thing. But this time, I couldn't find the words to express my feelings or distress. It's still hard for me to know what I really want to say. Part of me wants to explode and ask God why He would do this to my little Trinity. And the other part of me knows that there's no point. There's no point in getting mad and asking "why?". I've learned from experience that it doesn't help. So what did I pray, you ask? It went a little something like this:

Father, I need you more than ever right now.

God, I'm praying for my sweet goddaughter,

Trinity Celeste Tucker. I'm interceding on her behalf

to ask You, the God of the Universe, 

Jehovah Rophi--God who Heals, 

to put your Healing Hand on her little body.

I'm asking for a complete healing. I want the doctor's to 

scratch their heads in disbelief. I want your power

to be SO evident that there isn't any doubt of 

who is at work. Father, Trinity has such a heart for you.

She loves talking about you and to you. She is 

amazed by you. I wish I had her faith. I'm begging

You to heal her completely. May all the glory go to You.

We will praise no one other than the

One who created her. But overall, Father, I pray that 

Your Will Be Done.

Thank You, Father. I love you.

Amen.

My belief is in the power of the Lord. May He be glorified through this trial and may He heal my sweet little Trinity. I believe He can.

I believe...

One Day...

Hello friends! I was once again a travelin' gal this past weekend. This time I was in Springfield, MO. I was there for the weekend spending some time with my cousin and his wife, Jarrod and Caira. My aunt and I drove up after I got off work on Thursday. I was so glad to have a day off and a weekend to spend with family. These 3 people mean so much to me. I can't imagine my life without these people in my life.

Caira & Jarrod on their wedding day (May '08)

I went up there for Caira's BABY shower on Saturday!! I'm so excited that these 2 people are embarking on yet another wonderful journey together.

Their baby is a GIRL!! And they will name her Addisyn Preslee when she makes her debut sometime around November 29th! I cannot wait to meet this precious blessing. She is already so loved and so wanted. I hope she knows how much her parents and extended family loves her. I know she will. And I know that she will know the love of God. Gosh, I just cannot wait until Thanksgiving! This kid is going to be so spoiled--I can't wait to be apart of it.

Also, a very Happy Birthday to Jarrod!!! He turns 30 today. He's like a big brother to me. I just love him so much!

I so admire Jarrod and Caira as people and in their marriage. There is communication, fun, love, respect, and fairness. I hope I find the same thing she found. One day, friends, one day... In the mean time, I will seek the one who made me and pursue him because he pursued me first.

Hope you all have a great long weekend!!
-katie

Willis's--May '11

Cate--13

Graham--11

My little model!

She is beautiful!!

All-American Boy--Jackson--15

We are special.

They love me.

Completely Loved by Our Creator & Witness

I started a 30-day Devotion, Completely Loved: Recognizing God's Passionate Pursuit of Us, by Shannon Ethridge, yesterday. God has already showed me how valuable I am to Him. It's incredible. I can't believe I haven't started this earlier.

Day 1 starts off with the creation story--what better way to start?? The title to day 1 is "Completely Loved by...Our Creator". I love that. Because who loves us more than Who created us? We think our parents have the ultimate love for us, but we are oh so wrong. God's love for us is immeasurable and honestly, I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm just now figuring that out. I don't need anyone other that Him. He knows what we need and who we are. Here's an excerpt from day 1:

"We find passion and joy in walking with the One who designed every part of us. He designed our minds, so He knows how to put us at ease. He created our bodies, so He knows how to strengthen us. He formed our hearts, so He knows how to thrill and delight us. He molded our spirits, so He knows our innermost desires; and only He can satisfy those desires."

And every day ends with a prayer (who would've thought??). And wouldn't you know that the one thing I've really been insecure about my entire life, Shannon addresses in the very first devotion. Blows my mind. After I read it yesterday, I just looked up and said, "Ok, Lord, I get it." The prayer reads like this:

"Creator God, Help me recognize Your beauty and wonder evident throughout all of creation---from the tiniest DNA molecule to the galaxies far beyond our awareness. But most of all, help me to recognize Your beauty and wonder when I look at myself."

You see, in my entire life, I've never thought of myself as beautiful. Never. THIS explains it all.

Day 2 is entitled "Completely Loved by...Our Witness". Today starts out talking about Hagar and how she felt unnoticed by God. She has a son by Abraham, Sarai's husband. She gets treated so harshly by her. She even runs away pregnant with Ishmael, her son, and she sees an angel. The angel tells her to go back and take whatever Sarai can dish out.

"And the angel also said, 'You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ismael (which means 'God hears'), for the LORD has heard your cry of distress. This son of yours will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey! He will raise his fist against everyone, and everyone will be against him. Yes he will live in open hostility against all his relatives.'"

Shannon points out in here that Hagar didn't put up a fight against this angel. I am amazed at that. I would definitely protest and ask the angel to, instead give me a son who is not a "wild man". But Shannon is right when she says this:

"Her response indicates that she was at peace with her situation, regardless of how difficult it must have been. Why? Because she looked past her situation to recognize that GOD ACTUALLY SAW HER. Her Maker knew her plight and was a witness to her life. That seemed to satisfy her; it was enough for her to simply know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God saw her and her circumstances."

I love the next verse--verse 13. I feel like this is Hagar's "AH-HA" moment.

"Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her. She said, 'You are the God who sees me.' She also said, 'Have I truly seen the One who sees me?'"

I love love love how Shannon Ethridge brings forth a new idea. I am truly thankful for this book series. I can't wait to dive into the rest of the books!! She ends today with another prayer:

"Dear God, I may not understand why it feels so important to be noticed at times, but I thank You that nothing in my life goes unnoticed by You. Even though you witness my  finest and worst moments, You never stop cheering me on, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Have a wonderful weekend!

-katie

SO Late.

I completely forgot to post pictures from Pierce's 1st Birthday!! Pierce, Jennifer (his mom), and I went on a short visit to the zoo on his birthday--May 4th. He had so much fun and Jennifer and I spent most of the trip wiping our foreheads of sweat (boy, was it hot!!) and holding our noses from the stench. It was a most entertaining day!

ENJOY!

This was Pierce's "Thank You" cards for his Birthday Party!

So funny!

Yes, we put him in one of those. :)

THEN...we went to Cantina Laredo for birthday lunch! Yes, I realize that a gourmet mexican restaurant isn't exactly kid-friendly--but it sure was delicious!!

"I like chips"

Happy 1 year old!

See his teeth??

He wasn't sure about the sparkler--I, however, loved it!

The mango cake was DELICIOUS!

Kisses for Momma!

Like I said--we had a great day and he was so good the whole day! 

Seriously though--I will post those Willis pictures tomorrow! PROMISE!! :)

Have a great day!

-katie

Update in Pictures!

As I said in a previous post, I was in TX for my Goddaughter's baptism last weekend (9-10th). I've quite possibly never seen a baptism quite as sweet as this one. Trinity is sweet anyway and it was an honor to actually see her commit her life to Christ and see her follow that up with baptism. Honor--I can't think of a better word. I am one blessed gal. 

 Me & Trinity

What made this baptism so special and sweet was that Trinity's dad, David, got to baptize her. I wish I wasn't afraid of showing too much emotion, because I would've let the waters flow. I did tear up, so, I'm improving, but still. This moment was so sweet for the entire family. 

David & Trinity praying

Asking Trinity who Jesus is to her and how He has changed her life

Such a proud Daddy

(I still tear up looking at these pictures.)

The sweetest hug you've ever seen in your life.

Me & Holly, Trinity's Mom

(Might as well be my sister)

Tori, Kaleb, Cameron, me & Trinity

I couldn't be more proud of these kids. And I can't wait to see what God has in store for their life in the years to come. I constantly thank God for them. I have no idea where I would be without this family. 

Hope you all have a wonderful week!

-katie

P.S. I will post pictures from that photo shoot I did of the Willis's very soon!! :)

Weakness

I have struggled with something for a long time, I feel like my whole life. But I've just now realized that this has become one of my weaknesses since my dad passed away over 5 years ago. 

Insecurity and/or No Self-confidence

Here is my list of what I am secure and confident about: 

I am confident that I am good at my job.

I am confident that God sent His Son to die on a cross for my sins so that if I accept His free gift of Salvation, I can live for eternity in Heaven. 

I am confident that my family loves me.

Now I know to some of you that makes me pretty confident--pretty rich. Not a lot of people have that confidence. But that's not the kind of confidence I am talking about. 

I don't know if I can go to college and graduate.

I don't know that the major I picked is the right one for me.

I am not confident that I will be successful.

I am not confident about my future.

I don't think I'm beautiful.

I don't know if someone will be able to love me.

And I don't know I will be able to love that person in return.

The one thing that I do have...is hope. I have hope that these things won't be issues in the future. I hope and pray that God will address these. I am confident in that.

I have recently started believing in myself which is kind of a big deal. I've started thinking about how it might be possible that I could finish school and graduate and possibly go on to graduate school. I never would've considered this before and honestly, I'm not sure why I'm thinking about it now. 

I have been talking with a friend of mine about how I need a change. I need something different in my life and while I know moving out is the answer, I'm having a hard time accepting it. She's been great in making me realize how important this is/would be. She's a true friend. But while, I know I need to move out and be on my own and independent--I'm not ready for that at all. Mentally, financially, even spiritually. 

I am terrified of failure. Who isn't? But, I have an abnormal fear of failure. I am so afraid to fail that I won't even try. If I don't try to start anything or to do anything new, then I won't fail. I have realized that is not the way to live, but it's hard to change once you've done that your whole life. I am trying to trust in my Lord and Savior to help me through this. I'm hoping my friends will too--I know they will. 

I found this quote yesterday and I love it. I've always thought of myself as a strong person, but this sheds a while new light on that subject. 

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong,

but sometimes, it's letting go."

Herman Hesse

Pray me through this friends. 

Travel!

My life lately has been all about work and making/saving money and to be honest, it hasn't been going too well. Work is great. I love Pierce. He's getting so big and learning so much. So happy I got this opportunity.

This month I'm going to and from Texas--San Antonio to be exact to spend time with my godchildren. I was there for the 4th of July weekend and had so much fun. We went to Sea World two days in a row--got my first sunburn of the summer. So happy I got to be there for a little more than a weekend.  I came back on Tuesday with my godson Kaleb!

We had such a good ride back to LR. Nine and a half hours of talking, then silence, then some more talking. We laughed some which was wonderful. I don't know how long it's been since I spent individual time with Kaleb. I love it!

I'm going back with Kaleb on Saturday and unfortunately staying until about 2 on Sunday. But, I am so excited about it, because Trinity--my little princess Trinity is getting baptized!!!! 

I am just so proud of her!! She is literally the sweetest child I've ever encountered. She prayed over a meal this weekend and her heart is for others. She prayed for the homeless and she thanked her Lord for my safe travels and prayed for my safe return home. I just love her so much. I can't imagine loving her anymore than I already do! 

Hope you all had a safe 4th of July weekend! I know I missed the fireworks since SA is banned from any kind of fireworks for fear of fire.

Short post--I know. Have a great week!

-katie

P.S. Pictures to come!!

Preview!

I'm back.

It's been a while, friends. I'm sorry for my absence, but alas, I haven't had the energy--or the internet connection at home--to put my thoughts down into words. I have this problem a lot. Understandably so, because a lot has been going through my head this year ('11--who can believe it's already the middle of April?!). I think that may be the reason for my lack of posts. Again, apologies.

Well, I went to see my Godchildren again last month. I had the best weekend. Very unfortunate that I haven't been able to spend more than a weekend with them since October. I wish I had unlimited vacation time, you know? Although, there's a good chance that I would never show up to work. That is a huge lie, though. I love my job. This little boy is such a joy. He smiles and your heart melts. He laughs and you laugh. He hardly ever cries. Amazing child. He will be 1 in less than a month--May 4--and he's already walking!! I can't believe that I've been with this family since August, what's that...8 months? Insane. Hope they're not getting sick of me.

My birthday was last week. Yay for being 23! It's really not that exciting, so far. It's just more of a shock when people ask how old I am. They think I'm 15. Granted, sweet in every sense, yet somehow...disheartening? I'm unsure of the word I'm looking for. Well if I look at my life right now and really focus on where I am and where I thought I'd be by now, I could get really depressed and defeated. I wanted to be at least engaged or in a serious relationship by this age. I know it's young, but that's how I always pictured my life. I wanted to be a college graduate. Maybe in the next 5 years...

But, I am very happy with where my life is. Single. Great job. Wonderful family. Incredible friends. Amazing God (not in that order of course). I know this for sure, my life is nothing like I thought it would be. And that's ok. There are times that I wish I had the cookie-cutter life, but then where would the excitement and fear be. I have to rely on my family, friends, and most importantly God to get me through life. It's scary, but I love it.

I just found a draft of a blog entry that I started once, but never submitted. And it goes a little something like this:

"I have many ideas for my future. Marriage to a wonderful man. Beautiful kids. Many happy memories. But I know all of my future is not pretty. There will be rough times as well as the good. And how am I supposed to cope with what is to come?

I have wondered about that question a lot lately. I have been broken in asking myself that question this week. How am I supposed to cope with what is to come? It's a very big question. I would love to say that my immediate response was God. And in my head, it was. But, when you have lost something precious, you start to wonder. Wonder, in my case, if I can trust the One that my loved ones are with. I wonder if I can see things through His eyes. I wonder if my past and present feelings will resurface and/or continue. Will they? Will the Enemy take over my brain and convince me once again that God did this on purpose, so I can learn something? I dare say, he could. But I have hope. I hope that God will sustain me in that time. I hope that He will be enough for me. I hope that He will not let me stray from Him. I am His.

Lately, I have been questioning things: life, God, everything. It's been hard this week. For the first time in my life, I realized...(and it kills me to say it, and admit it on the internet), that my relationship with God is purely acquaintance-like. Honestly, I hate it. I hate that I am mad at my Creator. At the One who saved me from eternal damnation. I would go to asking, "Why?", but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. So, how do I move past it all and hope to cope in the future?

Worry consumes my thoughts. I'm 22 years old and have lost my father. I worry that my mother won't be around to see my kids. Yes, I have my extended family and very close friends who would step forward, but it's completely not the same. I worry. I hope. I'm trying. I'm trying not to worry. I'm trying to trust again.

I put my life in His hands once. It's always been in His hands, I just like to think that I can handle things. I cannot. I will have to start trusting Him. That is a scary thought after almost 5 years of questioning trusting Him."

In a lot of ways, I still think like this person did. I still have a hard time trusting God and sometimes even man. I still question how will I be able to move on. I'm a year older now. I'm 23. With age comes wisdom? I wish. And I think to a certain extent, it does. But, at the same time, I think circumstance has an important role as well. 

I think back to this year's anniversary of my Dad's death and thank God for his revelation to me. I can't think of a better way to wake up on that day than God saying to me, "It's time to live again." It hit me like a ton of bricks, but it was worth the wake up call.

So, to abruptly end a post...

A New Beginning

I haven't had internet for a long time now, and I realized that I left something out of my last post. 

February 2, 2011 I woke up and I heard that Still Small Voice that you always hear stories about. I distinctly remember hearing it only once before. This Still Small Voice said, "It's time to start living". You see, since my dad passed away 5 years ago, I don't think I've been living. Going through the motions has been my day to day life since I lost my daddy. I hate to say that this is true and has been the norm for years now, but it is true. A month ago I heard His Voice and it has changed my view on life. I am so very grateful for that. It hasn't been a big change just yet, but I notice something different. My attitude toward life and most things that come my way has changed. I am much more relaxed about things that would normally set me on edge. 

This year, on the anniversary, I had a wonderful day. It was a day full of smiles, wonderful talks, and laughs. I wondered if a day like that would ever happen. One where I was truly happy. Well it did!

I'll never forget that day. It was a new beginning, thankfully. I hope and pray that it continues to be.

UPDATE: My cousin is coming home from Afghanistan in April! I am so excited and thankful for this! He is excited to see his wife, son, family, and friends. He lives in TN, so I hope he gets to come here to visit before his 2 week leave is up. I miss him so much. Pray for his safety between now and when he comes home and definitely going back and while he's there until August when he comes home for good. I pray this time flies for his wife and son who miss him immensely.

"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." --Lena Horne

-katie

5 Years--A Landmark Year

For so many years(2 months shy of 18 years), I memorized his face. I know the unique colors of his iris. I know the wrinkles around his eyes. I know where his hairline begins, mainly because I have it too. I know how his ears were: big, but perfect--I got those from him too. I know his mustache and his scruffy chin. His sun-dried leathery hands are engraved in my mind. Not only did I memorize his features, I memorized his personality. I knew him always joking--always. Always finding a punchline like Chandler in "FRIENDS", only better. And whenever I'm laughing, I can't help but hear his laugh, his contagious, hearty, belly laugh.

These memories are etched on my heart and burn onto the memory card in my brain. 5 years ago today, I lost him. I could no longer memorize him, because he was gone--just like that. All it took was 3 weeks. Now, I have to remember him. Because he was and is to this day, my Daddy.

But, how could I forget him? How could I forget the way he snored after falling asleep on the couch? How could I forget the way he held me when I was sad? How could I forget the way he called me "Sweet Pea" or "Pea Baby"? I'll never forget the song we made up and sang on our Father/Daughter fishing dates. I'll never forget the way he smelled--Irish Spring soap and Old Spice deodorant. I'll never forget him. How could I?

It's hard for me to believe that this day is finally here. I never thought I would get to this day. 5 years is a landmark year. And in a way, I'm glad it is here.

I had a wonderful day. My Goddaughter, Tori, has been here since last Wednesday, which was wonderful! I dropped her off at the airport around 1 and went to meet a very good friend for lunch. I met my former teacher and current friend, Teresa Walker. We had wonderful fellowship. I am so thankful for our time together. We talked about everything. And it was wonderful to catch up. And I went to keep baby Kate, who always makes me smile. Today was a great and I think Dad would be proud of how far I've come. I'll miss him everyday of my life, but I'm so thankful for this valley that happened in my life.

Thank you God for this opportunity.

Hope you all are keeping warm. Tell someone that you love them this week.
-katie