I broke down and just cried out to the Lord about my anguish regarding my lack of prospects. I was so fed up with nothing going on in that part of my life. The doubting thoughts were creeping in. "Am I ever going to find someone? Will I ever be able to let myself love someone, even though it scares me to my very core? Can I trust God to deliver on his promises? God wouldn't give me this desire and just snatch it away from me, would He?" These were the kinds of things that were going through my head.
And then I went to Georgia to see my godchildren. They moved there in the beginning of the year and I hadn't seen them for a little over 8 months, so I decided to take myself on a road trip! It was a welcome vacation. Relaxing. Full of laughter. A much needed break from my everyday life. Now, don't get me wrong, friends, my life is wonderful! I have an awesome family, wonderful friends, a great small group, and an incredible job(s) with incredible people. All that to say...it was nice to just get away.
So I get back to Arkansas and get back into my normal routine and those thoughts come back into my head. I wanted to punch myself in the face to get those thoughts out. Then it donned on me that I needed someone to talk to. Friends, if you don't have a mentor, GET ONE. They are the best things that God could've given you here on this Earth. And I am blessed with a few of the best people. The one that I called up, Laurie, helped me so so much. We go get some dessert and since we hadn't actually gotten the opportunity to sit down, laugh, and catch up on life in an embarrassingly long time. One by one, I laid my issues out there on the table. And one by one, she started responding. And people, you know you have an incredible mentor when they respond to your questions with thoughtful, godly answers that are biblically based and come straight from the Lord. Laurie was so encouraging in every way possible. And God knew that this was exactly what I needed. I'm so thankful for His timing even when it's not necessarily mine.
My singleness came up and her response just blew me away. You see, she was married and divorced leaving her with her son. Now, tell me. What is more terrifying than being single with a child? I can think of so many thoughts and questions that would creep into my mind if that were me. And she pointed those out to me, because they were in her mind as well. Talk about knowing what was in my head before I even had a chance to speak it. Oh...right. That's how God works. *EPIPHANY*
"But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you,
and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father,
who sees everything, will reward you.
When you pray, don't babble on and on as people of other religions do.
They think their prayers are answered
merely by repeating their words again and again.
Don't be like them,
for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!"
--Matthew 6:6-8 [NLT]
So she recommended this book to me. Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right. Friends, this book has changed my life and my whole perspective on waiting for my man. It's a real eye opening book. I was reading the first chapter and I got about 2ish pages into it and I uttered the word "WOAH." That's how powerful it was. I set the book down and had to just take it all in.
If you are in a singleness rut or know someone who is, recommend this book. It was so completely worth it.
Hoping you guys have a great rest of the week and weekend! I have a busy one.
-katie
