The little girl, Jessica, and her father, Matt--these people are who played with my emotions.
Matt is scrambling to get more help for his little girl. He wants to go to Mexico for another treatment option. Dr. Bailey is trying to get him to stop and realize that Jessica doesn't have much longer--minutes even. And she says,
"Jessica is terminal, Matt. In a few minutes, her heart is going to stop. Now, I can pump her chest; I can push all sorts of medicines; I can put her on a ventilator because she'll no longer be able to breathe on her own. But even with all of that, she is going to die. And the last person who will have had her hands on her, who will have been able to touch her--well that's going to be me, or a nurse? Or it could be YOU. Because you don't want to miss this, this next part, she needs her daddy for this part."
And Jessica asks, "Daddy, are we going to Mexico?"
And Matt climbs into Jessica's bed to hold her as Miranda climbs out. He answers with,
"Yes, we're going to Mexico. The sky is blue blue and the sand is white and the water's so clear that you can see all the way to the bottom. We're going--just you and me. No more doctors, no more medicine, no more hospitals--just you and me."
And the monitor beeps to let them know that Jessica's heart has stopped. Crying, Matt keeps talking and says,
"We're gonna go, you just relax and we'll be there soon. We'll play on the beach all day and we'll make sandcastles. We're goin'--we'll be there soon, you'll see. We're going to have so much fun--just you and me. Just you and me."
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Minus the death part, there is nothing that I want more than to be Jessica right now. Just to be held. I want my Daddy to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I want him to tell me that I'm going to a place that is just indescribable.
Tears just streamed down my face in this scene. I wanted to be held.
My dad and I used to sing this song when we would do stuff together. It's called "I Love..."
You would sing, "I love" and then fill in the blank with 3 things that you loved and you would end it with, "...and I love you." And then it would be other person's turn and you would go back and forth just singing about what you loved.
"I love...taking pictures, singing, and remembering you...and I love you."
2 comments:
This isn't identical to how you feel, and I've never experienced something as tragic as a parent dying, but my grandpa died. He was my shining star, the one I looked up to and couldn't wait to see. He always used to ask me if I had lost weight, even if we both knew I hadn't. He would encourage me and joke with me and he treated me fairly. He was my hero. And then he died. At first, I remembered weird things-the way his truck smelled, the way he sat in his chair and read the paper, his smile, that grandfatherly twinkle in his eye, the way he greeted every customer in his hardware store...slowly, though, I don't remember those things as clearly. All I want to do is see him, and talk to him, and have just one person to tell me that I didn't screw up my life and that he's proud of me. Like that dad and that little girl, I want to know that someday we're going to be together.
I'm sorry you ever had to experience this, but your dad, he's in Mexico already Katie. He's probably having the time of his life, and totally waiting on you, whenever your time comes. Hang in there. Your dad loved you, and you knew it your whole life. That's an incredible gift in and of itself. Your dad, while he's dancing out on the white beaches and looking at that crystal clear water...he wants you to be happy Katie. he wants you to live a life that you can tell him ALL about when you're together.
Sweet Katie...I sobbed during that episode because of the desperateness of that poor father.
And now I have tears for you, because of the pain you are feeling. "LiLo" gave you some wonderful advice and sweet words of comfort. Wish I could wrap you up in a big bear hug!!
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