Enough

The last few weeks, I have been growing and I'm proud of myself. I've been reading my devotional and another great book about loving Jesus without limits. But one day a week or so ago, I realized the real reason I was reading my devotional, reading my Bible, and reading the "Christian book". It wasn't because I wanted to grow closer to God or to strengthen that relationship. It was because I secretly (God knows all my secrets) wanted to look like I've drawn closer to Him so that He would bless me in my life. Not just any area of my life...I want someone to love. I want nothing more in this life than to be married to a wonderful man who loves The Lord and will help lead me and the family we will have through this life with God's guidance. Nothing more. That will be enough for me. A loving husband and a family of my own.

When I came across this realization, I felt like a phony. I had been lying to myself and my God (He knew). Why couldn't I just be honest with Him and myself? I've begged Him for the man that I want. I've told Him how much I want this. And then I came across a verse in the Bible that has been a favorite of mine since middle school...maybe high school.

"Take delight in the Lord,

and he will give you

your heart's desires."

Psalm 37:4 [NLT]

I think I was reading this wrong though. I was taking this to mean that if I go to The Lord and basically pacify Him, He'll give me what I want. I won't have to keep this up after I get what I want.

Selfish. 

I cannot believe that I had that thought. But I did. I should've been focusing on this verse in the Scriptures. 

"But he said to me,

'My Grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made

perfect in weakness.'

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly

about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me."

2 Corinthians 12:9 [NIV]

I love to compare different versions of the Bible.

"Each time he said,

'My Grace is all you need.

My power works best in weakness.'

So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ

can work through me."

[NLT]

"My Grace is all you need" God should be enough for me in this life. But I want more. I don't want to want more anymore. I want God to be enough for me. If I lose everything in this life I will still have my God. He should be enough for me. He is enough. I just have to change my ways of thinking. 

Thank you Lord for this revelation. Keep 'em comin'. :)

Hope y'all have a great week! 

-katie