Untitled.

I miss my dad. I've been looking at his picture almost the entire day. I miss his laugh and the way he used to call me "Pea Baby". I want to be 10 again so I can have 7 more years with him. I almost want to go back to before it all happened and ask him not to go to work that day. But I know that my life wouldn't be the same. It's hard for me to imagine what my life would be like right now if my dad was here with us.  We'd definitely live in a house. I would probably be in school--going into my senior year in college. *Sigh*, I can't believe it's almost been 3.5 years...

 

As tears fall down my face, I keep thinking back to the last day that I saw him. My aunt (Dad's sister) took me home to clean up. I knew that there was a possibility that I wouldn't see him alive again. So, I went up to his bed and said, "Daddy, I'm leaving. I love you." He looked at me and blinked hard, almost like he was trying to keep from crying. I turned away so that I wouldn't cry. I turned back around to him and he mouthed, "I love you too."

 

What I wouldn't give to hear that one last time! I would give anything to hear that laugh again. I want to hear him call me Pea Baby or Sweet Pea. I want to talk to him about things--guys, family, God, friends. But I can't. And I hate it. 

 

I was not ready to say goodbye to him. I was not ready to let him go. He's having the biggest party in Heaven. He's laughing it up with his parents, friends, family friends, and all who've gone before him. 

 

I read a book once, 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper. Don went to Heaven for an hour and a half. He described it as indescribable with earthly words. He also described how he felt. He said that he felt whole, happy, and not thinking about who he left on earth. My dad's not thinking about us. He's not caught up in the fact that we are struggling. He's not heartbroken for us. I almost wish he was. But he has a smile on his face all the time. And what a great smile he had! He is worshipping his Creator every minute. But I just can't get it off my mind that he's not thinking about me. I think about him everyday. 

 

I'll never be the same.

Pics!!

Forever

So this weekend (9th-12th), I went to Children's Camp with the kids from my church. Some were annoying, some were great, and some were--well, there.    God was there the whole time. I felt Him around. I felt Him there, more than I have here in a while. The last night we worshipped together we sang the song "Forever" by Chris Tomlin. Those words have never hit me like this before.

    

"Forever God is faithful

Forever God is strong

Forever God is with us, Forever."

   

I could just sing that song over and over again. "His Love Endures Forever"

  

Why is God faithful? If God is faithful then why are we so mad when something horrible happens to us in our lives? Faithful means steadfast in affection, loyal, unswerving in allegiance. How are we supposed to trust Him again when something or someone is taken away from us? Faith. Why does He want us to trust Him so much? Because He wants us to tell Him everything, even if we are mad. Someone once told me if I'm mad at God, go out to a field just you and Him and just scream. Just yell at Him. Yell and tell Him that you are angry and that you hate the situation.

 

The theme at camp this week was Flip (Matthew 20:1-16). Flip your life upside down for Him. Chris Brooks was the speaker along with the band, The Chris Orr Band. Brooks pointed out to everyone there that you can't hide from God. He's always with us and He always has His eye on us.

 

"What is the price of two sparrows--one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it." --Matthew 10:29

 

That is oddly comforting. He is so aware of what is going on everywhere at the same time, even the sparrows are taken care of. He knows how many hairs are on our heads.

 

Anyway, I realized that I cannot hide the fact that I am mad at God for several things. But, does that fact keep me from having good days? I don't think so. God is still with me and I'm trying so hard to trust Him with my life. I fail so many times, but I try to pray everyday--at least once.

 

It's better for me to keep a prayer journal. It helps me to see my words and actually remember what I'm talking about.

 

Ok, so, I'm back from Camp. Woot! I'm trying to do the whole Photography thing now. I'll be posting some pictures to see what everyone thinks about some of them. Let me know!

 

Until next time...do I have another chapter to go in that book?

katie

Freedom and Memories

Happy 4th Everyone!!

 

I hope everyone was lucky enough to partake in some sort of fireworks! I did not :(

 

I missed my dad this weekend. Every year on the 4th of July weekend we would go somewhere--Branson or St. Louis! It's strange what hits you. I miss vacations with him. 

 

and that's about all I have for you right now.

 

no wisdom.

 

Until next time...Chapter 5...