Willis's--May '11

Cate--13

Graham--11

My little model!

She is beautiful!!

All-American Boy--Jackson--15

We are special.

They love me.

Completely Loved by Our Creator & Witness

I started a 30-day Devotion, Completely Loved: Recognizing God's Passionate Pursuit of Us, by Shannon Ethridge, yesterday. God has already showed me how valuable I am to Him. It's incredible. I can't believe I haven't started this earlier.

Day 1 starts off with the creation story--what better way to start?? The title to day 1 is "Completely Loved by...Our Creator". I love that. Because who loves us more than Who created us? We think our parents have the ultimate love for us, but we are oh so wrong. God's love for us is immeasurable and honestly, I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm just now figuring that out. I don't need anyone other that Him. He knows what we need and who we are. Here's an excerpt from day 1:

"We find passion and joy in walking with the One who designed every part of us. He designed our minds, so He knows how to put us at ease. He created our bodies, so He knows how to strengthen us. He formed our hearts, so He knows how to thrill and delight us. He molded our spirits, so He knows our innermost desires; and only He can satisfy those desires."

And every day ends with a prayer (who would've thought??). And wouldn't you know that the one thing I've really been insecure about my entire life, Shannon addresses in the very first devotion. Blows my mind. After I read it yesterday, I just looked up and said, "Ok, Lord, I get it." The prayer reads like this:

"Creator God, Help me recognize Your beauty and wonder evident throughout all of creation---from the tiniest DNA molecule to the galaxies far beyond our awareness. But most of all, help me to recognize Your beauty and wonder when I look at myself."

You see, in my entire life, I've never thought of myself as beautiful. Never. THIS explains it all.

Day 2 is entitled "Completely Loved by...Our Witness". Today starts out talking about Hagar and how she felt unnoticed by God. She has a son by Abraham, Sarai's husband. She gets treated so harshly by her. She even runs away pregnant with Ishmael, her son, and she sees an angel. The angel tells her to go back and take whatever Sarai can dish out.

"And the angel also said, 'You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ismael (which means 'God hears'), for the LORD has heard your cry of distress. This son of yours will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey! He will raise his fist against everyone, and everyone will be against him. Yes he will live in open hostility against all his relatives.'"

Shannon points out in here that Hagar didn't put up a fight against this angel. I am amazed at that. I would definitely protest and ask the angel to, instead give me a son who is not a "wild man". But Shannon is right when she says this:

"Her response indicates that she was at peace with her situation, regardless of how difficult it must have been. Why? Because she looked past her situation to recognize that GOD ACTUALLY SAW HER. Her Maker knew her plight and was a witness to her life. That seemed to satisfy her; it was enough for her to simply know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God saw her and her circumstances."

I love the next verse--verse 13. I feel like this is Hagar's "AH-HA" moment.

"Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her. She said, 'You are the God who sees me.' She also said, 'Have I truly seen the One who sees me?'"

I love love love how Shannon Ethridge brings forth a new idea. I am truly thankful for this book series. I can't wait to dive into the rest of the books!! She ends today with another prayer:

"Dear God, I may not understand why it feels so important to be noticed at times, but I thank You that nothing in my life goes unnoticed by You. Even though you witness my  finest and worst moments, You never stop cheering me on, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Have a wonderful weekend!

-katie

SO Late.

I completely forgot to post pictures from Pierce's 1st Birthday!! Pierce, Jennifer (his mom), and I went on a short visit to the zoo on his birthday--May 4th. He had so much fun and Jennifer and I spent most of the trip wiping our foreheads of sweat (boy, was it hot!!) and holding our noses from the stench. It was a most entertaining day!

ENJOY!

This was Pierce's "Thank You" cards for his Birthday Party!

So funny!

Yes, we put him in one of those. :)

THEN...we went to Cantina Laredo for birthday lunch! Yes, I realize that a gourmet mexican restaurant isn't exactly kid-friendly--but it sure was delicious!!

"I like chips"

Happy 1 year old!

See his teeth??

He wasn't sure about the sparkler--I, however, loved it!

The mango cake was DELICIOUS!

Kisses for Momma!

Like I said--we had a great day and he was so good the whole day! 

Seriously though--I will post those Willis pictures tomorrow! PROMISE!! :)

Have a great day!

-katie

Update in Pictures!

As I said in a previous post, I was in TX for my Goddaughter's baptism last weekend (9-10th). I've quite possibly never seen a baptism quite as sweet as this one. Trinity is sweet anyway and it was an honor to actually see her commit her life to Christ and see her follow that up with baptism. Honor--I can't think of a better word. I am one blessed gal. 

 Me & Trinity

What made this baptism so special and sweet was that Trinity's dad, David, got to baptize her. I wish I wasn't afraid of showing too much emotion, because I would've let the waters flow. I did tear up, so, I'm improving, but still. This moment was so sweet for the entire family. 

David & Trinity praying

Asking Trinity who Jesus is to her and how He has changed her life

Such a proud Daddy

(I still tear up looking at these pictures.)

The sweetest hug you've ever seen in your life.

Me & Holly, Trinity's Mom

(Might as well be my sister)

Tori, Kaleb, Cameron, me & Trinity

I couldn't be more proud of these kids. And I can't wait to see what God has in store for their life in the years to come. I constantly thank God for them. I have no idea where I would be without this family. 

Hope you all have a wonderful week!

-katie

P.S. I will post pictures from that photo shoot I did of the Willis's very soon!! :)

Weakness

I have struggled with something for a long time, I feel like my whole life. But I've just now realized that this has become one of my weaknesses since my dad passed away over 5 years ago. 

Insecurity and/or No Self-confidence

Here is my list of what I am secure and confident about: 

I am confident that I am good at my job.

I am confident that God sent His Son to die on a cross for my sins so that if I accept His free gift of Salvation, I can live for eternity in Heaven. 

I am confident that my family loves me.

Now I know to some of you that makes me pretty confident--pretty rich. Not a lot of people have that confidence. But that's not the kind of confidence I am talking about. 

I don't know if I can go to college and graduate.

I don't know that the major I picked is the right one for me.

I am not confident that I will be successful.

I am not confident about my future.

I don't think I'm beautiful.

I don't know if someone will be able to love me.

And I don't know I will be able to love that person in return.

The one thing that I do have...is hope. I have hope that these things won't be issues in the future. I hope and pray that God will address these. I am confident in that.

I have recently started believing in myself which is kind of a big deal. I've started thinking about how it might be possible that I could finish school and graduate and possibly go on to graduate school. I never would've considered this before and honestly, I'm not sure why I'm thinking about it now. 

I have been talking with a friend of mine about how I need a change. I need something different in my life and while I know moving out is the answer, I'm having a hard time accepting it. She's been great in making me realize how important this is/would be. She's a true friend. But while, I know I need to move out and be on my own and independent--I'm not ready for that at all. Mentally, financially, even spiritually. 

I am terrified of failure. Who isn't? But, I have an abnormal fear of failure. I am so afraid to fail that I won't even try. If I don't try to start anything or to do anything new, then I won't fail. I have realized that is not the way to live, but it's hard to change once you've done that your whole life. I am trying to trust in my Lord and Savior to help me through this. I'm hoping my friends will too--I know they will. 

I found this quote yesterday and I love it. I've always thought of myself as a strong person, but this sheds a while new light on that subject. 

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong,

but sometimes, it's letting go."

Herman Hesse

Pray me through this friends. 

Travel!

My life lately has been all about work and making/saving money and to be honest, it hasn't been going too well. Work is great. I love Pierce. He's getting so big and learning so much. So happy I got this opportunity.

This month I'm going to and from Texas--San Antonio to be exact to spend time with my godchildren. I was there for the 4th of July weekend and had so much fun. We went to Sea World two days in a row--got my first sunburn of the summer. So happy I got to be there for a little more than a weekend.  I came back on Tuesday with my godson Kaleb!

We had such a good ride back to LR. Nine and a half hours of talking, then silence, then some more talking. We laughed some which was wonderful. I don't know how long it's been since I spent individual time with Kaleb. I love it!

I'm going back with Kaleb on Saturday and unfortunately staying until about 2 on Sunday. But, I am so excited about it, because Trinity--my little princess Trinity is getting baptized!!!! 

I am just so proud of her!! She is literally the sweetest child I've ever encountered. She prayed over a meal this weekend and her heart is for others. She prayed for the homeless and she thanked her Lord for my safe travels and prayed for my safe return home. I just love her so much. I can't imagine loving her anymore than I already do! 

Hope you all had a safe 4th of July weekend! I know I missed the fireworks since SA is banned from any kind of fireworks for fear of fire.

Short post--I know. Have a great week!

-katie

P.S. Pictures to come!!

Preview!

I'm back.

It's been a while, friends. I'm sorry for my absence, but alas, I haven't had the energy--or the internet connection at home--to put my thoughts down into words. I have this problem a lot. Understandably so, because a lot has been going through my head this year ('11--who can believe it's already the middle of April?!). I think that may be the reason for my lack of posts. Again, apologies.

Well, I went to see my Godchildren again last month. I had the best weekend. Very unfortunate that I haven't been able to spend more than a weekend with them since October. I wish I had unlimited vacation time, you know? Although, there's a good chance that I would never show up to work. That is a huge lie, though. I love my job. This little boy is such a joy. He smiles and your heart melts. He laughs and you laugh. He hardly ever cries. Amazing child. He will be 1 in less than a month--May 4--and he's already walking!! I can't believe that I've been with this family since August, what's that...8 months? Insane. Hope they're not getting sick of me.

My birthday was last week. Yay for being 23! It's really not that exciting, so far. It's just more of a shock when people ask how old I am. They think I'm 15. Granted, sweet in every sense, yet somehow...disheartening? I'm unsure of the word I'm looking for. Well if I look at my life right now and really focus on where I am and where I thought I'd be by now, I could get really depressed and defeated. I wanted to be at least engaged or in a serious relationship by this age. I know it's young, but that's how I always pictured my life. I wanted to be a college graduate. Maybe in the next 5 years...

But, I am very happy with where my life is. Single. Great job. Wonderful family. Incredible friends. Amazing God (not in that order of course). I know this for sure, my life is nothing like I thought it would be. And that's ok. There are times that I wish I had the cookie-cutter life, but then where would the excitement and fear be. I have to rely on my family, friends, and most importantly God to get me through life. It's scary, but I love it.

I just found a draft of a blog entry that I started once, but never submitted. And it goes a little something like this:

"I have many ideas for my future. Marriage to a wonderful man. Beautiful kids. Many happy memories. But I know all of my future is not pretty. There will be rough times as well as the good. And how am I supposed to cope with what is to come?

I have wondered about that question a lot lately. I have been broken in asking myself that question this week. How am I supposed to cope with what is to come? It's a very big question. I would love to say that my immediate response was God. And in my head, it was. But, when you have lost something precious, you start to wonder. Wonder, in my case, if I can trust the One that my loved ones are with. I wonder if I can see things through His eyes. I wonder if my past and present feelings will resurface and/or continue. Will they? Will the Enemy take over my brain and convince me once again that God did this on purpose, so I can learn something? I dare say, he could. But I have hope. I hope that God will sustain me in that time. I hope that He will be enough for me. I hope that He will not let me stray from Him. I am His.

Lately, I have been questioning things: life, God, everything. It's been hard this week. For the first time in my life, I realized...(and it kills me to say it, and admit it on the internet), that my relationship with God is purely acquaintance-like. Honestly, I hate it. I hate that I am mad at my Creator. At the One who saved me from eternal damnation. I would go to asking, "Why?", but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. So, how do I move past it all and hope to cope in the future?

Worry consumes my thoughts. I'm 22 years old and have lost my father. I worry that my mother won't be around to see my kids. Yes, I have my extended family and very close friends who would step forward, but it's completely not the same. I worry. I hope. I'm trying. I'm trying not to worry. I'm trying to trust again.

I put my life in His hands once. It's always been in His hands, I just like to think that I can handle things. I cannot. I will have to start trusting Him. That is a scary thought after almost 5 years of questioning trusting Him."

In a lot of ways, I still think like this person did. I still have a hard time trusting God and sometimes even man. I still question how will I be able to move on. I'm a year older now. I'm 23. With age comes wisdom? I wish. And I think to a certain extent, it does. But, at the same time, I think circumstance has an important role as well. 

I think back to this year's anniversary of my Dad's death and thank God for his revelation to me. I can't think of a better way to wake up on that day than God saying to me, "It's time to live again." It hit me like a ton of bricks, but it was worth the wake up call.

So, to abruptly end a post...

A New Beginning

I haven't had internet for a long time now, and I realized that I left something out of my last post. 

February 2, 2011 I woke up and I heard that Still Small Voice that you always hear stories about. I distinctly remember hearing it only once before. This Still Small Voice said, "It's time to start living". You see, since my dad passed away 5 years ago, I don't think I've been living. Going through the motions has been my day to day life since I lost my daddy. I hate to say that this is true and has been the norm for years now, but it is true. A month ago I heard His Voice and it has changed my view on life. I am so very grateful for that. It hasn't been a big change just yet, but I notice something different. My attitude toward life and most things that come my way has changed. I am much more relaxed about things that would normally set me on edge. 

This year, on the anniversary, I had a wonderful day. It was a day full of smiles, wonderful talks, and laughs. I wondered if a day like that would ever happen. One where I was truly happy. Well it did!

I'll never forget that day. It was a new beginning, thankfully. I hope and pray that it continues to be.

UPDATE: My cousin is coming home from Afghanistan in April! I am so excited and thankful for this! He is excited to see his wife, son, family, and friends. He lives in TN, so I hope he gets to come here to visit before his 2 week leave is up. I miss him so much. Pray for his safety between now and when he comes home and definitely going back and while he's there until August when he comes home for good. I pray this time flies for his wife and son who miss him immensely.

"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." --Lena Horne

-katie

5 Years--A Landmark Year

For so many years(2 months shy of 18 years), I memorized his face. I know the unique colors of his iris. I know the wrinkles around his eyes. I know where his hairline begins, mainly because I have it too. I know how his ears were: big, but perfect--I got those from him too. I know his mustache and his scruffy chin. His sun-dried leathery hands are engraved in my mind. Not only did I memorize his features, I memorized his personality. I knew him always joking--always. Always finding a punchline like Chandler in "FRIENDS", only better. And whenever I'm laughing, I can't help but hear his laugh, his contagious, hearty, belly laugh.

These memories are etched on my heart and burn onto the memory card in my brain. 5 years ago today, I lost him. I could no longer memorize him, because he was gone--just like that. All it took was 3 weeks. Now, I have to remember him. Because he was and is to this day, my Daddy.

But, how could I forget him? How could I forget the way he snored after falling asleep on the couch? How could I forget the way he held me when I was sad? How could I forget the way he called me "Sweet Pea" or "Pea Baby"? I'll never forget the song we made up and sang on our Father/Daughter fishing dates. I'll never forget the way he smelled--Irish Spring soap and Old Spice deodorant. I'll never forget him. How could I?

It's hard for me to believe that this day is finally here. I never thought I would get to this day. 5 years is a landmark year. And in a way, I'm glad it is here.

I had a wonderful day. My Goddaughter, Tori, has been here since last Wednesday, which was wonderful! I dropped her off at the airport around 1 and went to meet a very good friend for lunch. I met my former teacher and current friend, Teresa Walker. We had wonderful fellowship. I am so thankful for our time together. We talked about everything. And it was wonderful to catch up. And I went to keep baby Kate, who always makes me smile. Today was a great and I think Dad would be proud of how far I've come. I'll miss him everyday of my life, but I'm so thankful for this valley that happened in my life.

Thank you God for this opportunity.

Hope you all are keeping warm. Tell someone that you love them this week.
-katie