Dear Bekah,

You have no idea what you mean to me. I'm writing you this letter because I could never say this in person. I wouldn't be able to get through it without breaking down.

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You are so special to me, even more now. Your friendship is so incredibly meaningful to me. You're a wonderful listener. You make me laugh a lot! And I know that God meant for our paths to cross in this life. He meant for us to be friends for lots of reasons, this being one of them. I know you've heard the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason." Well, I've never understood it and I still don't. It's possible that I'll never understand it. But in some way, I know it's true. God planned this in such an amazing way to let both of us know that we are never alone. I know that people are put in our lives for incredible reasons. People come and go before us so that we can, in some way, be helped and comforted by their stories and experiences.

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I know you'll remember this. Remember in Grey's when George's dad dies and Christina is talking to him. She welcomes him into the "Club". The Dead Dad's Club. As of Monday night, you became a member, and Bek, it breaks my heart to welcome you into that club. I never like welcoming a new member, nor do I get excited about club meetings or events. But the club discussions truly do bring a comforting feeling and remind me that everyone else feels the same things that I do.

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Remembering my dad and how everything happened, comes in flashes especially in times like these. But our dads will be in our hearts forever. You are an incredible person and through this time you will find out things about yourself, good and bad. My dad's favorite phrase was, "Don't forget Whose you are." Every time I went on a trip or a sleepover, or even something as simple as going to school, he would always tell me not to forget Whose I am. It would remind me to always honor, not only my family with my words and actions, but more importantly--my Heavenly Father.

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Bek, we talked on Wednesday when we had dinner, about people who say they care. But we always wondered where they were beforehand. And soon, I'm afraid, you will wonder where they have gone. Well, even when people forget details and drift away as most will, He never will. He will always be there for you. I also remember a talk a while back about how sometimes that doesn't help. "My dad's not here with me," we say. But Bek, look where he is right now. The most indescribable place we could ever imagine--beyond our imagination! Heaven absolutely just blows my mind when I think about it. I can't stop thinking about the streets of gold and the pearly gates. But more than that, to imagine a place where there is no pain, tears, worry, and sorrow is absolutely incredible. We cannot begin to know what that is like. We are so filled with worry, pain, and grief here on Earth, that we cannot fathom the intensity of Heaven. But he is there with my dad. I just know it.

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I loved your dad, Bek, and I truly cannot believe he is gone and that we are both fatherless. But we need to remember and cling to the fact that our Heavenly Father loves us more than our daddy's ever did. He wants us to come before Him even when we are angry. He can do anything.

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"The Lord your God is with you.

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with His love..."

Zephaniah 3:17

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"Come to Me, all you who

are weary and heavy-burdened

and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28

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Bek, God has shown me so many things about life and death and everything in between. I am just now coming back to Him with all my needs. It takes time to heal and don't you ever let anyone rush you or make you feel bad for not doing things. Grief is an individual process. Just remember, you can always talk to Him--always. He's always there in your heart, all you have to do it talk. He knows what you're thinking anyway so, you might as well just say it out loud. ;)

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I love you so much. You are like a sister to me. Let me know how you're feeling. Tell me you want and need to get out. I am here for you. I will always be here for you. Always, always remember that, ok? Ask me anything you want and I'll tell you what I know and what I've learned. And we will learn some things together. I know what you're going through. I love you.

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All My Love,

katie

A New Year

Happy Anniversary to me! It's been a year ago today that I entered the Blogspot world. I feel like it's been a good year. Lots of things have happened, good and bad. Both that I can and have learned from. I thank God for those experiences!

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To all of my prayer warrior friends, I need you. One of my best friends, Bekah, needs prayer right now. Her whole family needs your prayers right now, especially her dad, Rick. You see, Rick has had cancer for a couple of years now and has been in and out of remission. It has gotten to the point now that he's being sent home tomorrow with Hospice, that is, if he makes it through the night. I pray that he does. The last thing that I want to see is one of my best friends go through a very similar tragedy that I went through almost 4 years ago.

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It's so hard to believe that it will be 4 years in February...

God has been so faithful through the years. He has been able to renew my faith and remain steadfast.

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"Create in me a pure heart,

O God, and renew a steadfast

spirit within me."

Psalm 51:10

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I just hope that Bekah finds the promises that God has bestowed upon me over the years. I know that His promises will be revealed to her in His perfect timing. I cannot wait for Bekah's restoration. I continue to pray for her daily through this time.

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Thanks.

Until next time...

katie

Bagels, Basketball, and Laughter!

Mesha- "Hey Katie, can you make that bagel?"

(sounds easy, right?)

Katie- "Oh yeah, sure." First mistake.

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It is an amazing skill to cut a bagel and cut your finger WITHOUT getting blood on the bagel. Yes, I was wearing gloves...but still. The blood filled up the entire finger in my glove.

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ANYWAY!! This week has been crazy. Monday and Tuesday, I opened at work, watched a little girl both days, AND went to church and helped out with Upward Evaluations for this Spring! Wednesday, I went with my trio to sing at the Lions World Services for the Blind and sang a whole set! It went really well! I could feel God moving and people were enjoying it! And yesterday, I watched my favorite baby, Kate!!

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AAAAND...I finally heard her laugh!!! It was so exciting to finally hear that!! It completely made my week! And today...I cut my finger. A wonderful end to a great week!!

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And this weekend is CITYFEST!! I'm sure I will post pics from there.

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Until then...

Fall Family Festival 2009!

Only One Amazing Race

I hope that all of your weeks started out wonderful!! My week has been busy busy!! Full of pictures and fun! I'll start with Saturday!

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Saturday started out early! The youth at my church always do an "Amazing Race" every year about this time. Well Saturday was it! It was a BLAST!! I drove my team, Olivia and Kinley to Arkadelphia which is about an hour away from here. First we went to a park and did different things around the park then we went to the Spillway (or Dam or whatever you want to call it) for lunch. Lots of fun was had and eventually my team WONN!!! We are amazing. Yes.

So we got finished around 3:45 and I got on the freeway to come home at 4!! I got a call that I needed to babysit at 4:45! Cutting it close, I asked if the time was a little bit flexible. They said absolutely and I got there about 5ish to watch such a precious little baby Olive!

Sunday was the most fun, but I'm thinking I will have to do a whole other post with pictures of our Fall Festival that we had at my church that night! I will just tell you about what I discovered that morning.

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God was apparently trying to get it in my thick skull that He really does know best and that He is Almighty and absolutely incredible. Well in my college Sunday School class, we've started going through 1st and 2nd Thessalonians which has been really interesting. Well we came across a group of 3 verses that I have clung to ever since I read them. I had been thinking about my dad basically the whole weekend. I was just missing him and wishing I could talk to him and see what he would say about a lot of things in my life right now and ask his advice. So, I read these verses:

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"For God chose to save us

through our Lord Jesus Christ,

not to pour out his anger on us.

Christ died for us,

so that whether we are

dead or alive when he returns,

we can live with him forever.

So encourage each other and

build each other up,

just as you are already doing."

1 Thessalonions 5:9-11

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Three incredibly powerful verses. My favorite being verse 10 in bold. That verse is so incredibly comforting to me. Every believer has doubts at some point in time, but I have no more doubts about where my dad is. I know that I will be with him in Heaven someday and I cannot wait.

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"Therefore since we are surrounded

by such a great cloud of witnesses,

let us throw off everything that hinders

and the sin that so easily entangles,

and let us run with perseverance

the race that is marked for us.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus,

the author and perfecter of our faith, [...]"

Hebrews 12:1-2a

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So have an Amazing Race.

katie

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PS. I am also looking for suggestions for a name for my new blog...I used to be called Miss Katie, if that helps. Looking forward to hearing what you've come up with!

Additional Blog??

If I created a new blog for the adventures that I have babysitting/nannying...would you follow me?

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I have so many stories and pictures that I can share from all kinds of families from all walks of life. They are funny, sad, interesting, frustrating and just plain strange. Would you follow me?

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I hope you all are having a great week so far...it's almost over. I can't wait til Friday! Mainly because I get to watch my new favorite baby, Kate!!

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This little bundle of joy is Kate! She is clearly talking in this picture. I have yet to hear her laugh in my presence yet. But I am hoping and waiting for it on Friday! :) The new blog will be able to let me tell you about my findings as a nanny. I will give bits of advice, funny stories, and great pictures!!

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I'm still thinking of a name of my additional blog, otherwise, I would have a link for you.

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Stay tuned!!

-katie

The "What If" Game

"And we know that God

causes everything to work together

for the good of those

who love God and

are called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28

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I believe that I've been given a challenge from God.

Imagine that a really really good friend and her husband were in trouble. Imagine that their 4 children would be taken from them. What would you do? Step up or step back? What if you stepped back? How would you feel? Glad you didn't have to deal with it? Ashamed you didn't do more or anything at all? I realize it's not your responsibility...but aren't we supposed to help others, the less fortunate, the widows and orphans? Why is it that we are called to carry these things through but when the opportunity comes up we pass it by, saying we are too busy or don't have the funds or the space?

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God will work everything out if you love Him. I feel like I'm in His plan right now. But right now, I'm just waiting...waiting until He says, "Go." That's all that I can do. I have no control over my circumstances right now. It is absolutely terrifying.

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So, what if you stepped up? Brought the kids in your house and loved them as your own? Your life is turned upside down. Is it worth it? You're in God's plan, right? It's completely worth it. Every minute is a lesson. Every second is an experience. How can it not be worth it?

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What if...

What a phrase. We can play "What if" all day long, right? I can only focus on "What is". And what is right now is life. Love. Blessings. I can't wait to see where God takes me. I feel like he is testing me, almost the way he tested Abraham. God asked him to take Isaac to the mountain (Genesis 22). Even thought I am not giving up my only son, which I don't have, I still feel as though I am following the Lord's calling. These people are in trouble. I will help them, not for me, not for the parents, but for God and the children. I love them so much.

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Trusting God is an interesting concept. I'm putting my life in the hands of someone I have never seen. But I know He's there. I can feel Him. He works in my life. I am so thankful for that.

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Pray for me as God makes things work for me because I love Him.

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"So don't worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will bring it's own worries.

Today's trouble is enough for today."

Matthew 6:34 (NLT)

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Until next time...

katie

All Else Fades...

For about a week and a half now, I've been caught up in the words of this beautiful song. It has been coming on everytime I get in my car to go somewhere. Literally, every time. It speaks to me so. I loving getting caught up in the words. I just belt out the song in my car. I probably look like the biggest idiot, drumming on the steering wheel, makin' the "rockin' out" faces and such. Wow...I can just see it. 

"A thousand times I fail

Still your mercy remains

Should I stumble again

Still I'm calling your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never-ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

Your will above all else

My purpose remains

The art of losing myself

In bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never-ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

My heart and my soul

I give you control

Consume me from the inside out

Let justice and praise become my praise

To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never-ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise from the inside out

My soul cries out

I give you control

Consume me from the inside out

Let justice and praise become my praise

To love you from the inside out"

-Seventh Day Slumber

These words have been on my heart lately and I thought I'd share them with you! This song is so powerful. The actual title is "From the Inside Out" by Seventh Day Slumber. 

I hope your week has been good so far. Mine has been fine. Today was just ok. It's about to get better though. It's choir time. All my stress and such melts away when I sing. When I am praising my Jesus, it's the best time. I hope it's the same with you.

-katie

Ups and Downs

You know those times...times when you want to crawl in a hole and just stay there until that bit of time passes? Well...I felt a bit like that yesterday.

A friend of mine that I haven't seen in years came into where I work (notice the anonymity) and we started chatting. I went to Elementary school with her son and she was my chaperone on a trip from those years. So we pulled the usual "how are you's" and "what have you been up to's". After those were answered, she asked how my parents' business was doing. I gave her a nervous chuckle and muttered something like, "oh, you don't know, do you?" And with a confused look on her face, I told her the dreaded news. "My dad passed away three and a half years ago," I said. Within milliseconds her confused look changed into shock. I briefly explained what happened and still shock covered her face. She conveyed her sincerest regrets and we went back to the bit of small talk that was happening before.

I never know how to handle those situations. Those people whom I haven't seen in ages say their sorry's and hug me with the most love they can possibly give, but I still feel bad. Not because it reminds me that my dad isn't with us anymore, but because I'm bringing sadness to them. I'm the type of person who is happy most all the time. That is my mood. Happy. But when I have to tell people about my dad going to be with Jesus, the mood drops. And there are only a few times when it recovers back to those happy moments before the horrible news, depending on the person and their view on life.

I hate those moments. I hate giving people news that is going to make them sad. I mean, they are expecting to hear, "Yeah, we still have The Hop and we are loving it! We are all doing amazingly!" Instead they are hearing, "He passed away three and a half years ago and we don't know why." It's very depressing having to tell them that. I know I'm not the only one who knows this feeling. It's awful.

Just a little rant...

-katie

"The Tragedy of the Unopened Gift"

Happy Fall, Y'all!!!!!

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It's Bible Study time here in the big L-R!

My church hosts Bible studies in the fall every year in different people's houses. It's a great time of year. We get to eat and just hang out with great people and worship Him by being in fellowship with fellow believers. It's such a great feeling! And I love my Small Group! Mary, Jennifer, Amanda (the hostess), Shawn, and Vicki are all in our group as of now. Anyway, we are doing a study from the book called, "If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat" by John Ortberg. It's a study about learning to trust God and it centers around Peter's adventure of walking on water.

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How much courage did it take for Peter to step out of the boat with all those other people back in the boat saying--no way, man, there's no way I'm getting out of this boat, I will sink! If I could just remember to keep my eyes on Him...I can only imagine what could be. I try to trust God with my whole heart but it is incredibly difficult. We always want to be in control. As a human being, we feel that we can handle anything that comes our way. But we can't. I can't. I am so incapable of doing the simplest thing without His hands. I truly do not see how people go through the hard times without Him. I can't imagine where I'd be if He wasn't my King.

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Sorry, I got side tracked. Sunday, we talked about gifts. We read Matthew 25:14-30; the story of the talents. Why did he give 5, 2, and 1? Why did the man with the one talent not invest his talent? Why didn't he seize the opportunity he was presented? Fear. Fear of what? Failure? Disappointment?

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Do you have a gift? What is it? You can tell me, really.

Are you doing something with your gift? If so, what? Go on! Tell me! I want to know...

If not, why not? It's ok...

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I have been thinking about my gift since that question was asked. Several answers have gone through my head and I still don't know if any of these are worth mentioning.

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Possible Gifts:

--Singing...I love to sing but I am horribly shy when it comes time to sing in front of others. I consider my voice a blessing that I can share. I love that my mom and I are able to sing together in church every so often. In the end, I'm singing to my Provider, my Comforter, and my Father.

--Children...I cannot express the joy that I feel when I'm with kids. I am definitely a kid at heart even though I'm only 21. I love their lust for life! Nothing is wrong in their world. The innocence in their smiles. Their carefree laughter. *Sigh* I wish I was 5.

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I'm so blind to myself. Do you have any suggestions? What are my gifts? I really want to know!

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I'd like to share a beautiful quote from author Gregg Levoy, entitled "The Tragedy of the Unopened Gift".

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"To sinful patterns of behavior that never get confronted and changed,

Abilities and gifts that never get cultivated and deployed --

Until weeks become months

And months turn into years,

And one day you're looking back on a life of

Deep, intimate, gut-wrenchingly honest conversations you never had;

Great bold prayers you never prayed,

Exhilarating risks you never took,

Sacrificial gifts you never offered,

Lives you never touched,

And you're sitting in a recliner with a shriveled soul,

And forgotten dreams, and you realize there was a world of desperate need,

And a great God calling you to be part of something bigger than yourself --

You see the person you could have become but did not;

You never followed your calling.

You never got out of the boat.

--Gregg Levoy

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I'm going to make a conscious effort to step out of my boat. Step out into unfamiliar territory and follow God's plan for my life. Follow my dreams. Do everything that I can for Him so I can hear the words that many before me have already heard, including my own father.

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"Well done, my good and faithful servant."

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Everyone has a gift. It is most likely that you have more than one gift. What's yours?